you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
