so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
