I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So many bounce houses so little time
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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