Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
