I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
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My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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