Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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