Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
