Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
