I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
