literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
