Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
