I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
