The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
