??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
