hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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