Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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