i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
