Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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