His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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