what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
