You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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