Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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