Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
