He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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