I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
