how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
