I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
