I'm eating all of the evidence.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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