Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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