Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
