why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
