All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize