i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
