youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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