Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
