we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
