Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
worst night to have a conscience
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
