ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
