And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
