New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
