dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
