But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
