Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Randomize
