someone threw a dead crab at me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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