My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
