who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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