Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
