the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
