we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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