This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
