My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
