i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There's always time for handjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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