You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
