I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
