With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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