The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
