felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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