I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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