You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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