grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
