Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
