we're blogging at a bar
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
