Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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