Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
