Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
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He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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