I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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