I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
